A Weird ESPN Moment

We have our third rivalry coming up tonight sometime, I hope, but first I have to mention something I saw on ESPN last night that I could not believe. I think it’s apparent to all that ESPN is now bigger than the Beatles, bigger than most Third World countries, bigger than U.S. Steel. When you get that big, that dominant, that overpowering, you become the bully, and that’s a tough transition. ESPN began as this fledgling network that few thought could work. And through persistence, wit, a little creativity, a lot of expansion and a remarkable sense for what the sport fan craved, ESPN became this monolith.

None of this is necessarily bad -- it's a glorious time to be a sports fan. ESPN gives you all you could ever want. Well, there is one bad thing: It seems no one at ESPN appreciates that the game has changed. ESPN still wants to see itself as that cutting edge, trendy, fan-first network that goes against the establishment. Except now ESPN IS the establishment. Hey, that’s the price of success. That quirky and semi-funny “back-back-back” thing that Chris Berman used to do has now become the single most annoying thing on television, and I’m including Rachael Ray here. You would think friends would tell Berman to stop, for his own sake, but I guess at some point you can reach that level of fame where your friends are mostly just afraid to tick you off. It’s a shame, though, when a good friend can’t just walk up to you at a family barbecue and say, “Chris, these are great burgers. Hey, listen, while we're just talking, lose the nicknames. They suck. Hey, this is me talking, Chris. Albert “Winnie the” Pujols? Are you kidding with that crap? Stop it, now. Come on, man, I love you, but you have to stop.”

It isn’t just Berman. A lot of the shtick has just gotten old. Inevitable, I guess. Even the self-reverential commercials that were so funny a few years ago now more or less suck. LeBron James is working in the ESPN office. I get it. ESPN is so big they can get LeBron James to do commercials. I get it. Not funny.

Again, I just think this is the natural way of things. ESPN still has so much great stuff. They have some terrific writers on the Web site – Sports Guy still makes me laugh, they have a bunch of good columnists – they still have some great analysts on television (I’m co-President of the Ron Jaworski fan club), PTI is still fresh on those rare days when I see it (which admittedly isn’t many, but that’s not their fault), I think Baseball Tonight is still fun to watch even if I don’t have much use for the panelists individually (the sum is greater than the parts, as they say). And so on.

But the point of all this was to discuss one thing I saw on ESPN last night. It was on SportsCenter, (I think -- all their shows look like SportsCenter) and the host started talking about Indianapolis coach Tony Dungy, because as everyone knows the NFL season NEVER ends. Every other day, it seems, they will show some highlight of LaDainian Tomlinson as a tease to some apparently big news story about him. What could it be? Is Tomlinson going to hold out? Is he going to retire? Did he save a family and a cat from a fire? Then they come back and report an exclusive story: ESPN has learned that LaDainian Tomlinson is awesome.

Anyway, the host talked about Dungy and then some guy came on the screen, some new guy (I think), and he (I still can’t believe this) ranked the best and worst drafts in the NFC West. At first, I was confused. I thought, “OK, why is some guy in July ranking the best and worst NFC West 2006 NFL Drafts?” And then it hit me: He wasn’t ranking the 2006 drafts.

He was ranking the 2007 Drafts.

In July.

Before they played a single regular season game.

Before they played a single preseason game.

Before they went to training camp.

Before some of them (any of them?) have even signed.

I watched this five minute feature in absolute wonder. I realize that on the day of the draft, you will have the instant analysis, who did well, who did poorly, everybody gets a report card, etc. It’s stupid, but it’s part of the deal. But here it’s three months after the draft, and nothing has happened, and nobody has played, nobody has really practiced (I’m not counting those spring practices) and this guy was telling us plainly that San Francisco had the best draft, Arizona had a really good draft too, and he talked about the players as if they were established stars … it was one of the most bizarre things I’ve ever seen. I don’t blame the guy who did it – I mean, he did the best he could, I’m sure. I’m sure some poll shows that fans want NFL Draft analysis in July. And for all I know, he might be right.

But don't you think when we're ranking the draft before training camp begins that, just maybe, we've gone too far? This to me is like when conferences have coaches and writers vote on the "preseason newcomer of the year."

I just wish sometimes we could go back to those days when, I don’t know, we watched the games and then analyzed them. But let’s be honest: You can’t go back. You can only go back-back-back.