The AL Central with Michael Rosenberg

If you are lucky in this life, you will meet a friend who is basically, well, you ... oh, wait a minute, I've already used that intro for Mike Vaccaro. Well, anyway, I'm also fond of our next Baseball Preview Star, Michael Rosenberg, a brilliant columnist for The Detroit Free Press and author of an upcoming book on the fascinating relationship between Woody Hayes and Bo Schembechler (that book won't be coming out for more than a year, so there's really no place to buy it yet. That's why if you click on that "upcoming book" link, you will conveniently be transferred to the Amazon page of my book, "The Soul of Baseball." Buy several for family and friends!)

Michael grew up in New York and has worked for several very large and impressive papers, but it hasn't gone to his head, or at least that's what his agent told me. Michael's one of my favorite sportswriters in America because it's obvious -- both in his writing and his disposition -- how much he loves sports. You would be surprised by how many sportswriters don't seem to like sports. OK, maybe you wouldn't be surprised.

The sad thing is that for a long time, Michael and I were even in baseball terms. We both wrote about horrendous teams. We both dealt with affable and utterly inept managers who were once excellent players. We both had done hard Lima Time. Then, last year the Tigers went to the World Series, placing Michael up there with newspaper legends like Dave Anderson and Jim Murray and Red Smith. Men who, yes, won Pulitzer Prizes (Michael hasn't won one of those yet). But more importantly, men who wrote about successful baseball teams. Meanwhile, I kept writing about Angel Berroa. Life's not always fair.

I asked most of these questions. But Michael slipped in a few self-questions. He's like that.

First, 1-5, rank the teams in the AL Central.

1. Detroit. A year later, I still can't believe I am writing that. But the Tigers are the only contender that got indisputably better on paper in the off-season.
2. Chicago. I think they made a mistake trading Garcia, but still plenty of talent there.
3. Cleveland. Should have been better last year, plenty of talent. They don't mean to offend Native Americans, blah, blah, blah. Show me something.
4. Minnesota. I do not like the rotation after Santana. At all.
5. Kansas City. Because there is no sixth place.

Who is the best player in the division?

The most valuable player to any team in the division is Johan Santana. I know he doesn't play every day, but so what? Put it this way: if you could start a team for one season with one player from the Central, wouldn't you pick him? Or put it another way: if you could remove one player from any team and automatically eliminate that team, it would have to be Santana, right?

Who do you think is the best everyday player in the division?

Ah, we go from "best player" to "best everyday player." Almost like you knew I would go with Santana in the first answer and wouldn't let me off that easily. Fine then. You play your sneaky little games.
The division's best hitter is Travis Hafner, but since he spends most of a game sitting on his butt, I can't pick him on principle. (I would consider him for MVP, but not for the more prestigious honor of "best everyday player in the division according to The Soul of Baseball blog.") The AL MVP was Justin Morneau. But if I had to choose one guy, I would go with Morneau's teammate, Joe Mauer. Mauer had a .429 OBP last year, had 53 extra base hits, runs the bases well and -- I can't emphasize this enough -- he is a catcher. And he is not yet 24! If Morneau gets hurt, the Twins could find a serviceable first baseman with some pop, but how could they replace Mauer?

True or false: The Tigers pitchers will spend six hours every day of spring training practicing their fielding.

Can I let you in on a little secret? The fielding errors were NOT the reason the Tigers lost the World Series. Even with the errors, which were ill-timed from a baseball perspective -- though well-timed from a comedic perspective -- the Cardinals still only scored 22 runs in five games. The Tigers' problem was that they couldn't hit. The team hit .199 in the series with a .581 OPS, and if I may use an antiquated baseball stat known as "runs," they only scored 11 in five games.

Who do you think is the second-best starting pitcher in the division?

Hmmm. Last year it was Francisco Liriano, but I don't like his chances this year, since he is waiting for his arm to be re-attached to his body. I'm going with Jeremy Bonderman. This is mostly a projection -- he needs to find a really good, consistent off-speed pitch, but he says he is close. If Bonderman can consistently throw a changeup for strikes, he will win the Cy Young award someday. Of course, I have been projecting greatness for him since he was a fetus, and it hasn't quite happened yet. But what if I give up on him and THEN he wins the Cy Young? Wouldn't that just destroy my soul? This, by the way, is the same reason some people pick the Kansas Jayhawks to win the national title every year -- one year they actually will, and nobody wants to get off the bandwagon one exit early. I was one of those people before I upped my medication. Anyway, Bonderman is my choice, but only because Runelvys Hernandez is no longer in the division.

True or false: While writing a column during the World Series last year, FOX Sports noticed a smudge on your typing hand?

True. But that is only because I was changing the oil on Michael Waltrip's car.

Who is the best closer in the division?

Joe Nathan. I have nothing else to add. He just is.

Who is the best manager in the division?

Buddy Bell. Nobody can shave five losses off a 110-loss team like that guy. Oh, you mean seriously? You'd have to go with Jim Leyland, wouldn't you? I think he let his daughter bat third one day last year and she went 3 for 4. Ron Gardenhire would be a close second, followed by Ozzie Guillen. But if I had to pick one guy to choose an All-Star pitching staff, it would be Ozzie.

At what point last year, do you think everyone in Detroit decided: "Oh my God, this Tigers team really is good."

I suspect there was a moment, years ago, when Lyle Lovett said, "This is clearly Julia Roberts, and she is in bed with me, and highly naked, and does not seem in any rush to leave. 'Does this mean she kind of likes me?'" Last year was like that for Tigers fans.

You grew up in New York. So what's your baseball fan history?

Meet the Mets, Meet the Mets ... come to the ballpark and greet the Mets! Someday, whether you like it or not, I will remind you that: a.) Game 6 of the 1986 World Series was tied when Mookie Wilson hit that ground ball, so it's not like the Red Sox would have definitely won if Buckner makes the play, and b.) even if Buckner had caught the ball, Wilson very well might have beaten him to first anyway. Plus the only reason the Mets lost Games 1 and 2 is that they had to spend way too much time and energy beating the Houston Astros and their evil cheating pitching staff in the NLCS. So really, the Red Sox were lucky the Mets didn't win in five. That's been my story for 21 years, and I'm sticking to it.

We love Bruce Springsteen. But is he a real baseball fan? And how could he have used "Speedball" in "Glory Days?"

We have now reached the point in the Q and A where Joe realizes that I am inserting questions he actually asked other people, just so I can answer them. Hey, I love Springsteen too. I have always thought he knew "speedball" was not something real baseball fans say, but he wanted to avoid a cliche, and he wasn't all that worried about the blog discussions 23 years later. Unlike Bill Horton, Bruce Springsteen is not a cautious man.

Everybody seems down on Minnesota this year, in large part because nobody seems quite sure how they won the division last year. Are you among those who believe the Twins are going down and going down hard?

I think I know how they won the division last year: they had a few great players, the best pitcher in baseball and another guy who was actually better than the best pitcher in baseball for half the year. I have great respect for the Twins organization. Terry Ryan and Ron Gardenhire might be the best GM-manager tandem in baseball, ahead of Billy Beane and his brother-in-law, or whoever is managing the A's these days. But without Liriano and Brad Radke for the entire season, I just don't see how they can contend. And if Santana slips even a little, then forget it.

You are writing a book on Woody Hayes and Bo Schembechler. Are you going to be the first writer to courageously point out that Clemson's Charlie Bauman DESERVED to be punched by Woody?

Finally, a relevant question. You know, a lot of Woody's old players actually argue that Bauman was taunting Woody by waving the ball at him. Bauman has denied it. It's hard to tell on the tape -- Bauman was sort of waving the ball, but it is possible he had severe underarm itch and he was just trying to get rid of it. Nonetheless, it is hard to argue that the proper punishment for a player who taunts is a punch from the opposing coach, even though college football would be far more interesting if they passed that rule.
Anyway, since you have given me an opening to shill for my book, I will say that I hope it will help readers understand Woody and why he might have thrown that punch when they get to that section of the book. As we might say these days, Woody was not in a good place at that point in his life. And I don't just mean Jacksonville.

You can only have one: Justin Verlander or Jered Weaver?

I'll take Verlander. Both are great, and neither lacks confidence, but Weaver strikes me as the kind of guy who rubs his teammates the wrong way and always wants a new contract and could end up pitching for eight different teams. Then again, I could be wrong.

The White Sox now have Darren Erstad, Rob Mackowiak and Scott Podsednik. That's a lot of scrappiness. There's no question here, really. Just wanted to point out the scrappiness quotient of the White Sox.

Can you imagine if they had asked for Aaron Rowand in the Garcia deal? They would be running into the outfield wall during batting practice.


In addition to your brilliant sports column, you also write a humor column that, best I can tell, is about 219 words long. How hard is it to be funny in that little space (people often marvel at how short the Gettysburg Address was, but let's be blunt: It was not funny.)?

As I prove with every column, it is virtually impossible. You know, the strange thing about the Gettysburg Address is that it is short, but still wordy. Apparently even Lincoln had lousy editors. My understanding is that Lincoln had more written, but he had to go use the can, which was pretty far away (thanks to the famous 1863 port-a-potty factory strike), so he cut the speech short. I don't know why Doris Kearns Goodwin has never written about this. Come on, Doris. Turn off the Red Sox game and give the people what they want.

Do you have anything you want to say about the Cleveland Indians?

Only that when a team desperately needs a closer, and forks over $5 million for a free agent, and that guy retires before spring training, that can't be good.

Don't you think it's pretty nifty that the Indians are going to be playing in the Civil Rights game in Memphis?

Is Chief Illiniwek singing the national anthem? I hear he's available.

True or false: Gary Sheffield.

Today: true. Tomorrow: false. The day after: "What's your problem, man? Why don't you like a dude who speaks the truth?" Sheffield is nutty, but he makes the Tigers better.

You have the cutest little daughter north of my house. What is you want her to know about baseball?

I would like her to understand implicitly that the second baseman does not actually stand on second base. I cannot handle 14 straight months of Audrey asking me why the second baseman is not standing on second base. I don't even know how to explain it. It's like if somebody looks at your laptop for the first time and asks, "How come you go to 'Start' to shut down?" Some questions have no answer.

OK, this is your chance to suck up to the Kansas City Royals fans who read this blog. Go ahead. Give them some reason to believe.

It is a historical fact that a single meteor has never wiped out Chicago, Detroit, Cleveland and Minneapolis in one shot, which means we are due. Actually, I think there is hope for the Royals -- not this year, certainly, but down the road. A lot of owners make a total mess of their organizations for a few years before hiring somebody good and backing off. Maybe David Glass is one of those guys. Every other team in this division was trapped in "they will never win" mode at some point in the last 20 years, and every other team has won.

Mike Vaccaro and I have invented (or at least borrowed) the concept of the HAYAROW -- "Hollywood Actor/Actress You Are Allowed to Run Off With. Who would be yours? And who would be your wife, Erin's?

This is so embarrasing, but Erin has a thing for Adrien Brody. I don't get it. To me, his nose looks like it should have Alberto Tomba on it. But I guess that is her HAYAROW. As for me, there are so many possibilities here, but I'm going to step outside of the actor/actress box and go with Norah Jones. I know -- not somebody you find on the cover of Maxim, and not exactly the most cutting-edge artist on the planet. (My favorite band is Wilco, so I am not a total square.) But really: who else would you rather hear singing in the shower? Erin is aware of my Norah Jones crush. She is amused.

Curtis Granderson. How good a guy is he anyway?

In the words of Kenny Bania: The best, Jerry, the best!