Baseball: A Glossary

OK, we're updating the Baseball Glossary with some of your suggestions. I can't think of a good way to credit all of you for ideas, so this will sort of be a community Wikipedia thing (as Mike from The Office says: "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.")

Daniel, one of the brilliant readers of this blog (you are all brilliant readers, except those of you who haven't bought the book), passed along a fun little baseball maxim from his friend Rob: "A 'five-tool player' means means he can't hit."

This reminded me that for quite a while I've been meaning to update the "How to be a baseball writer" column that I wrote for the Star a few years ago. That column was specifically about baseball writing, but what I have in mind now is more of a glossary of baseball terms for baseball writers, announcers, fans, and Chris Berman.

Keep sending those suggestions:

Average fielder: Candidate to get hit in the head with a fly ball.

Bad Baseball Body: Fat.

Below average fielder: Player who has been hit in the head with a fly ball.

Blooper: 1. A softly hit ball that lands over the head of an infielder and in front of the outfider -- it's somewhere between a looper and a flare.
2. An unfunny mistake made by a player that will later be shown on the video board while goofy music is played. Bloopers were funny once, but that time ended in 1987.

Bulldog: A tough pitcher who managers (and opposing hitters) love because they will challenge hitters and give you "their all." A "Bulldog" cannot throw 90 mph. For a few years, the Royals had a classic Bulldog named Kris Wilson ... everybody loved Kris. He was tough as nails -- former football player -- and you always wanted to believe he would find a way to get people out. He hasn't so far (career record: 14-9, 5.44 ERA). See also: "Gamer" and "A Guy You Want To Go to Battle With."

Clubhouse presence: Old player who can't play anymore.

Crafty: Adjective meaning "slow-throwing pitcher." Sentence example: "Crafty left-hander Jamie Moyer is baffling Royals hitters again." Caveat: Crafty can only be used for left-handed pitchers. See "Wily."

Defensive specialist: Player who can't hit a lick.

Dribbler: Lucky hit that stops in the infield grass.

Fireplug: Fat.

Flare: Lucky hit that bloops over an infielder's head. See: Dribbler; Looper; Blooper.

Free swinger: Scout's term. Means "Easy out."

Gamble: Verb. 1. The act of doing something really stupid like diving for a ball you have absolutely no chance of catching or trying to steal third with two outs. Almost never works.
2. Baseball's high crime. It has cost Pete Rose a shot at the Hall of Fame even though he has more hits than anyone in baseball history.

Guy You Want To Go To Battle With: A player who tries very hard but, generally speaking, can't play. Usually a manager's favorite. See also: Bulldog; Gamer.

Gamer: Position player equivalent of "Bulldog" -- tough, hard-nosed player who has a baseball beating in his chest instead of a heart. Every team needs a Gamer. But only one. Any team with three "Gamers" is destined for last place. Gamers almost always have low batting averages.

Good cut: A foul ball that goes straight backward. Similar phrases include: Good hack; Good swing; Big hack; Right on that; Just missed; Strike.

Green light: The freedom to swing at a 3-0 pitch; basically given to everyone who hits above .222 these days.

Hustler: Means, "Has no talent." See: Talented player.

Looper: Lucky hit that lands in front of an outfielder. A looper is usually hit a touch harder than a flare. See: Flare.

Journeyman: A player who has played for at least five teams. A journeyman used to be a guy who played for three teams, but free agency has changed the game in many ways. A "veteran journeyman" has played for at least seven teams.

Knows how to pitch: Scout and sportswriter term refers to pitcher who can't throw 90.

Portly: Fat.

Professional hitter: Harold Baines. That's it. Rob Neyer hit on this a while ago, I'll expand.

To be a professional hitter, you have to:
1. Have absolutely no defensive skill whatsover.
2. Hit 15-20 homers every year.
3. Play until your ancient.
4. Hit exactly .289 for your lengthy career.

Right now this means Harold Baines alone. Others who fell just short include Jeff Kent (middle infielders cannot be professional hitters), Wally Joyner (not enough pop and retired before he was 40), Wally Moon (was on his way but retired at 35 -- had not earned his professional hitter card yet), Bill Buckner (um, he's close. Maybe he didn't have enough power. Or maybe we need to include him), Jeff Conine (his average is down to .286 -- he needs to pick it up).

We do want to take a moment here to honor Gregg Jefferies, who was on his way to legendary professional hitter status when he retired young at 32 -- he's sort of the Tony Conigliaro of professional hitters. Hal Richman, the man who invented Strat-o-Matic, once told a great story about Jefferies -- you know in Strat-O, they rank fielders range 1-5, with a 1 being a Gold-Glove-calliber, get-to-everything fielder and a 4 being "a human couch." A 5, therefore, is a defensive ranking below human couch. Anyway, one day Jefferies went to left field and a few started shouting: "You're a 5! You're a 5!" It's one of the great, obscure rips in baseball history.

Quality at-bat: A minimum 10-pitch strikeout or slow roller to second base with a man on second.

Scatter: A verb used to describe what pitchers do when they give up a lot of hits but not so many runs. Fictional example: Mark Redman scattered 11 hits as the Royals beat the Yankees 7-2. It's a VERY fictional example.

The question is: What makes an official scattering? I've discussed this with Royals announcers Ryan Lefebvre and this year's Ford Frick Award winner Denny Matthews, and we came up with this rule: To officially "scatter" hits, a pitcher must go at least seven innings, must give up more hits than innings pitched, and must allow three runs or less.

Sinker-slider pitcher: Scout's term meaning, "Can't throw 90 mph." See: Knows how to pitch.

Sports talk radio: Media outlet featuring men (and an occasional woman) who often second guess managers and complain about salaries. Brilliant reader Bob Pederson offers this formula: The value of any given sports talk radio program is inversely proportional to the amount of time rock music is played in the intro and the likelihood that the host(s) is known by a nickname.

Stocky: Fat.

Stretch: Verb. 1. A base-running error where a player tries to turn a single into a double but almost inevitably fails and costs his team dearly.
2. A first baseman's act of reaching out as far as possible to catch a throw -- a dying sports art like the coffin-corner punt and mid-range jump shots.

Tailor-Made Double Play: Overused term to describe an easy double-play grounder. So I would like to set up some ground rules:
Rule 1: A TMDP has to be hit to a middle infielder -- it cannot be hit to third, first base or the pitcher.
Rule 2: Any routine ground ball hit directly at the second baseman at appropriate speed is a TMDP.
Rule 3: For a grounder hit to shortstop to be an official TMDP, it must be hit close enough to the bag where he can STEP ON THE BAG HIMSELF and then throw to first. If he has to flip it to the second baseman, it is no longer Tailor Made.

Talent: Noun. Means "Good player who doesn't hustle." See: Hustler.

Toolsy: Scout's term. Means can't hit.

Utility infielder: A player who cannot hit well enough to be in a Major League lineup and cannot field well enough to be in a Major League infield.

Veteran: A player who has been around for a few years. Comes in three varieties:
-- Seasoned veteran: Player who may be washed up.
-- Respected veteran: Player who is washed up.
-- Grizzled veteran: Player who should have retired two years ago.

Veteran leadership: A quality that baseball managers always want from their players so they don't have to do the work themselves.

Veteran presence: Being old and being there.

Wily: Adjective meaning "slow-throwing pitcher." A right-handed compliment to the word "crafty," though either a righty or lefty can be wily.