Royals. A's. Live thoughts.

We're working on something bigger, but an afternoon Royals-A's game seems like a good time to throw out a few thoughts.

-- Seriously, when did Nick Swisher start looking like one of the Darrell brothers ("This is my brother Darrell and this is my other brother Darrell"). Or maybe he looks like Silent Bob from the original Clerks.

-- Reliever Todd Wellemeyer just came into the game in the third inning with one on and nobody out (this should tell you how badly this game is going -- the Royals are already down 5-0). Wellemeyer promptly walked the first two hitters. That's not likely to help his 9.69 ERA. I'm telling you, I could never be a manager. I would go to the mound right now and release Todd Wellemeyer. I mean flat out release him. I might even bring out a large sign for the fans that says "DON'T WORRY! I WILL NEVER BRING TODD WELLEMEYER INTO A GAME AGAIN. REALLY."
But see, just when you think you've seen everything: Welleyer strikes out Mark Ellis on a pitch that is about two feet over Ellis' head. "It's going to be tough for a Major League hitter to get on top of that," Royals announcer Paul Splittorff said. He doesn't add that most Major League hitters wouldn't swing at that. Wellemeyer then strikes out Adam Melhuse on a fastball when catcher Jason LaRue was looking for a curve -- the ball smacked right into LaRue's shoulder. And then Wellemeyer forced a fly out to end the threat.
I never could be a manager.

-- I wrote a column about Royals third baseman Alex Gordon today, the basic opinion being that, yes, he's struggling mightily, but lots of young players struggle at first (George Brett, Mike Schmidt, Willie Mays, etc) and in time he will be OK. He's too talented and too together, in my opinion, to flop. Plus, he has a confidence that I think is a real asset for a young play. All the baseball people I talk to tell me the same thing.
That said, I've received many emails and calls from people today who could not possibly disagree more. To put it bluntly, they've given up Alex Gordon already. They think he's cocky. They think he's fundamentally unsound (this is true -- he actually lifts his head on ground balls). And they think his "confidence" is false and fake and very unappealing. "He acts like he's already arrived," one emailer writes. Numerous others seconded the motion.
I'm not entirely surprised -- fans are not supposed to be patient -- but I will say I'm a bit shocked by the venom for a kid playing his first 30 games in the big leagues.

-- Royals do not have a hit through three innings. They have not come close to a hit in three innings. If they don't pick it up through, say, six innings, I'll probably have to hop in my car and head out to the ballpark. We don't need that.

-- They are asking one of the dumbest AFLAC trivia questions ever -- who has the highest fielding percentage for Royals right fielders in a single season. Is there a more worthless statistic that fielding percentage for an outfielder? I'll bet the answer is Al Cowens in 1978.

-- Yesterday, Tony Pena did something I've never seen before. He was on second base, one out, and a short fly ball was hit behind second -- Mark Ellis drited back to catch it. He caught it, no exaggeration, 30 feet behind the bag, no more. Pena then did something incredible -- he tagged up and took like three steps off the bag. Ellis simply tossed it to the pitcher who tagged Pena out, end of inning. It was like something you would see when 9-year-olds play.
One caveat: Pena was almost certainly safe on the play. There is no way the tag got him before he got back to the bag. But Buddy Bell did not argue the play ... and when asked about it afterward, Buddy (to his everlasting credit) said: "I don't argue for stupid baseball."

-- Well, Todd Wellemeyer more than made up for it the next inning. An infield single off his foot, a clean single to right and an Eric Chavez homer -- it's 8-0 Oakland with nobody out in the fourth. Maybe that release wouldn't be a bad idea.

-- Yeah, that's another homer. This one's by Dan Johnson. 9-0 Oakland. That's the second homer hit into fountains today.

-- The AFLAC answer was Cowens, but it was in 1976. I'll give hmself half credit. Trivia questions are an art. Yesterday at the Royals game, the trivia question was -- I'm not joking here -- "What city did the A's play in before they came to Oakland." And not only that -- they offered three choices. That's embarrassing, right?

-- Four innings. No hits. This isn't going to happen right. I'm not going to have to get in my car, am I?

-- And the Royals are in trouble already in the fifth -- 1st and 3rd, one out. The man got on first when Esteban German (playing third) threw a ball in the dirt and Mike Sweeney (playing first) could not come close to scooping the ball out of the dirt. I have a serious question: If you put German at third and Sweeney at first, shouldn't all defensive errors count against the manager? I mean, is it really their fault?

-- Billy Butler may or may not be ready to be in the big leags. But he just got the Royals first hit, so he's a hero in my book. Royals down 10-0 through five. I'm going back to my bigger blog item.

Leftovers!

I may have mentioned that I have about four or five blog items that are half done. So I had to make a decision: Do I take the time necessary to finish them, polish them and make them each full items. Or do I just shove them into one ridiculously long leftover entry?

Like with food: I choose leftovers.

Leftover item 1: Bad hitting and defense.

I have this theory that I wanted to test out: I suspect that the very best defensive players at each position are probably the very worst hitters at those positions. I have two reasons to believe this.

1. Fielding and hitting are entirely different skills. Yes, they both take athleticism, hand-eye coordination, but that's about all the have in common. So I would ask: What is the likelihood that a player is all-time great at both? I have a friend, the AP columnist Jim Litke, who was once asked how many professional golfers also had brilliant minds. He said: Zero. "God doesn't give out that many gifts to people."

Sure, there have been some all-time great fielders AND all-time great hitters through the years, the inner-ring Hall of Famers -- Mays, Bonds, Schmidt, Clemente, Bench and so on. But I would imagine that just as some of the greatest hitters weren't much in the field (Ted Williams, Reggie Jackson, MannyBeingManny, Harmon Killebrew come to mind), some of the best fielders had to be lousy hitters.

2. There would be no way for a lousy hitter to stay in the lineup over many years unless he offered some notable skill. It seems to me that skill, in most cases, would be outstanding defense. (Bill James believes the opposite to be true as well, which is why he suggests that some great hitter like Derek Jeter is probably the worst defensive shortstop ever. He's certainly the worst defensive shortstop ever to win three Gold Gloves).

Anyway, let's see if I'm right. I've looked at each position, minimum 5,000 plate appearances, and tried to come up with the worst hitter since 1900 (using some vague compilation of OPS, runs created and OPS+).

First base
Worst hitter: George Stovall.
In the picture: Ed Kranepool and Kitty Bransfield.
Defensive worth: Stovall was a Deadball era hitter who didn't offer much of anything at the plate. He hit .265 with no power, no walks, no nothing. It seems pretty clear that he's the worst hitting first baseman in baseball history. But, from what I can tell, he was a slick defensive first baseman, so he fits the forumula. ... Ed Kranepool and Kitty Bransfield ... not so much. Couldn't hit. Couldn't field either.

Second base
Worst hitter: Ski Melillo.
In the picture: Sandy Alomar Sr.
Defensive worth: Here's what I'm talking about. Ski was a miserable hitter ... a career 63 OPS+. That's really bad. But he was a fabulous defensive second baseman. And he also ate nothing but spinach for a time, so you have to admire the Popeye determination. ... Alomar was not an all-time great defensively, but he kept playing because of his speed and because managers were convinced he had amazing range -- the overall numbers do not necessarily bear this out (except in 1970-71) but maybe they knew something that isn't in the numbers.

Shortstop
Worst hitter: George McBride
In the picture: Ed Brinkman and Mark Belanger.
Defensive worth: McBride is one of the worst hitters in baseball history. He's also one of the best defensive shortstops ever. He so perfectly fits my theory, I may call it the "McBride Theory" or "Father of the McBride" or some other awful pun. ... Bill James tells a classic story about McBride. Apparently he was making a lot of errors early in his career, and the fans were giving him Hell. Well one day, a drunk ran on the field, picked up McBride's glove (back then, players would leave their gloves on the field) and acted like a major smart-ass. The cops in 1909 were not overly sensitive folks (you think it was crazy in '08), and so they beat the living heck out of the guy in full view of the crowd. As he was taken away, McBride nodded to the drunk. The crowd cheered McBride, his fielding slump ended and he became one of the most popular players ever in Washington. ... Brinkman couldn't hit but he won a Gold Glove in 1972 and went 72 straight games without an error. Belanger was, of course, one of the best defensive shortstops ever.

Third base
Worst hitter: Aurelio Rodriguez
In the picture: Clete Boyer and Ken Reitz
Defensive worth: In my memory, Aurelio Rodriguez had the very best throwing arm I ever saw at third base. That might have been because I was a kid and easily impressed, but wow, I used to just watch him warm up between innings. He threw the ball so hard and so effortlessly. I'm convinced it was that amazing arm that got him more than 6,000 at-bats in the big leagues, even though he hit .237 with no power. I'm not sure he was an all-time great defensive third baseman. He did win one Gold Glove. Either way that arm was a wonder -- managers may have played him just to see him make that throw across the infield ... I have spoken with a lot of people who are absolutely convinced that Clete Boyer was the best fielding third baseman who ever lived. Ken Reitz won a Gold Glove in 1975 before Mike Schmidt took over, but I'm not sure he was a supreme fielder. As a hitter, he did ground into a lot of double plays.

Left field
Worst hitter: Vince Coleman
In the picture: Howie Shanks and Dave Collins
Defensive worth: There really aren't too many legendarily bad-hitting left fielders -- for pretty obvious reasons. Nobody really cares what kind of defense you get out there. The Royals just called up big-time hitting prospect Billy Butler, who is so bad defensively (as one brilliant reader points out) they put in EMIL BROWN as a defensive replacement. ... Coleman looks to be by far the worst hitter to have a sustained career in left field (83 OPS+) but he played for one reason and one reason alone: Speed. Man could he fly. He stole 100 bases each of his first three seasons, which is amazing for a guy couldn't get on base until that third year. The speed didn't really help his defense much -- he didn't get to nearly as many balls as you would expect, and everybody tried to run on his weak arm (he did have double digit assists his first four seasons). ... Howie Shanks was an amazing defensive player, who moved to third base late in his career. Dave Collins was not a particularly good fielder, but he was a more than respectable hitter for much of his career, and he stole 79 bases one season. He was one awful signing by the Yankees though. I should do a blog on players who could not handle Yankee Stadium. Maybe I'll get my man Alex Belth to help me.

Center field
Worst hitter: Omar Moreno
In the picture: Rick Manning and Mickey Stanley
Defensive worth: Man, I was rooting for Paul Blair to be here -- but Blair was a significantly better hitter than I remembered. His 1969 season (.285 average, 26 homers, 20 steals) was terrific, and he was just as good in '67, about as good three or four other years. It's just that by the time I started following baseball -- around 1975 -- he couldn't hit anymore. ... Anyway, Omar Moreno works OK too. He was another slap hitter who had a long career because of his speed. But unlike Coleman, he was a superior defensive center fielder. He didn't necessarily have a great defensive reputation (he never won a Gold Glove) but his defensive statistics are pretty spectacular -- he got to everything -- and Bill James in "Win Shares" gives him the rare "A+" defensive rating. ... Rick Manning was a childhood hero, and his Gold Glove in '76 is one of the proudest sports moments of my childhood (which tells you something about the sports in my childhood). I have no idea if he deserved it. Mickey Stanley was, of course, a terrific outfielder -- a four-time Gold Glover.

Right field
Worst hitter: Bob Kennedy
In the picture: Dave Philley and Shano Collins.
Defensive worth: What an odd career. In 1940, Bob Kennedy was called up to play every day in the big leagues -- he was 19. He had, best I can tell, an absolutely miserable season. He had an OPS+ that year of 59 -- Schoolboy Rowe, the pitcher, had a much higer OPS+. Kennedy was caught stealing 7 out of 10 time. He made 33 errors at third base. He hit into 17 double plays. OK, he was overmatched -- hey, he was a kid. But here's the thing: He got an MVP vote. Well, he got three MVP points, which means either one person voted him seventh or three people voted him 10th or something. He tied Charlie Gehringer and Joe Gordon for 23rd in the MVP balloting. ... Anyway, he soon moved to the outfield. He never did hit. And to be brutally honest, he wasn't much of a defensive outfielder either, though he had a strong arm. He is one of only six players (at last check) to have exactly the same number of runs scored and RBIs -- 514 each. ... Philley and Collins both had the reputation of being pretty good defensive outfielders.

Catcher
Worst hitter: Jim Hegan
In the picture: Brad Ausmus and Ray Schalk
Defensive worth: Here, the formula works perfectly. Hegan has the reputation of being one of the great defensive catchers ever. Ausmus is also supposed to be terrific defensively -- I actually ranked him No. 1 in the Fielding Bible Awards last year, in large part because I figured he's SUCH a bad hitter, he must be unreal defensively. Schalk is in the Hall of Fame for his defense.

So, overall, I would say the McBride Formula works. Show me a bad hitter in the big leagues, and I will show you a guy that generally can play some serious defense. This does not include Neifi Perez.

Leftover item 2: MVPs and the Hall of Fame

A brilliant reader happened to ask a question that I had wondered about myself just a few days earlier: How many Most Valuable Players go to the Hall of Fame? More to the point; Does winning an MVP award help a players' Hall of Fame case. I've long said that Alan Trammell would be a much more popular Hall of Fame candidate had he won the MVP award he richly deserved in 1987. But is that true?

1910s
MVPs in the Hall: 5 (Eddie Collins, Walter Johnson, Tris Speaker, Ty Cobb, Johnny Evers).
MVPs not in the Hall: 3 (Frank Schulte, Larry Doyle, Jake Daubert).
Comment: There were only MVPs chosen from 1911-1914 -- and all four of the American League MVPs are in the Hall of Fame. Three National Leaguers -- Wildfire Schulte, Laughing Larry Doyle and Jake Daubert -- are not. None of those three had Hall of Fame careers -- among them only Daubert ever received any consideration as far as I know, and he didn't receive much.

1920s
MVPs in the Hall: 8 (George Sisler, Babe Ruth, Dazzy Vance, Paul Waner, Lou Gehrig, Jimmy Bottomley, Mickey Cochrane, Rogers Hornsby -- does not include Walter Johnson who was listed in the 1910s)
MVPs not in the Hall: 3 (Roger Peckinpaugh, Bob O'Farrell, George Burns).
Comment: For some reason, I thought George Burns was in the Hall of Fame. Maybe it's because there are like a half dozen famous George Burnses -- there was Sir George Burns the shipping magnate, George Burns the golfer (won the Bing Crosby one year), George Burns the 5-foot-7 outfielder who led the National League in walks five times, George Burns the Australian politician who did so little he doesn't even have his own Wikipedia entry, this George Burns the MVP who was called Tioga George and hit .358 with 114 RBIs in 1926. And, of course, there's George Burns. Say goodnight Gracie ... By the way, we're only counting each player once -- Walter Johnson also won an MVP in the 1920s so there are really 9 MVPs in the Hall. But we already counted the Big Train in the 1910s.

1930s
MVPs in the Hall: 11 (Frankie Frisch, Lefty Grove, Chuck Klein, Jimmie Foxx, Carl Hubbell, Dizzy Dean, Mickey Cochrane, Gabby Hartnett, Joe Medwick, Charlie Gehringer, Ernie Lombardi).
MVPs not in the Hall: 1 (Bucky Walters).
Comment: Yikes. From 1927-39 every single MVP winner made it into the Hall of Fame. I'm not sure what that means. Is that a sign that we have tended to romantacize players in the 1930s, or is it that the great players won MVP awards then. ... The only MVP of the 1930s not to the make the Hall was pitcher Bucky Walters. He had the best year of his career (27-11, 2.29 ERA). He had two more really good years, maybe three, and he won 198 games in his career. ... Jimmie Foxx won three, Lou Gehrig won his second, Mickey Cochrane won his second .

1940s
MVPs in the Hall: 5 (Jackie Robinson, Ted Williams, Stan Musial, Lou Boudreau, Hal Newhouser -- does not include DiMaggio and Greenberg who win the 1930s)
MVPs not in the Hall: 8 (Frank McCormick, Dolph Camilli, Joe Gordon, Mort Cooper, Spud Chandler, Marty Marion, Phil Cavaretta, Bob Elliott).
Comment: We have a shift here -- in large part because of the war. Most of the MVPs are not in the Hall. ... I'd say that among the non-Hall of Famers, there was been serious consideration for Gordon and maybe some for Marty Marion. Gordon probably didn't get the votes because of the two-plus seasons he missed for the war and because he retired fairly young; Marion didn't hit enough ... Of the five MVPs in the Hall, all of them were going anyway except perhaps for Hal Newhouser. He only has 207 victories and his World Series ERA of 6.53 wasn't likely to help him. But he had the back-to-back MVP awards, and the veteran's committee honored him almost 40 years after he retired.

1950s
MVPs in the Hall: 8 (Phil Rizzuto, Roy Campanella, Yogi Berra, Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Hank Aaron, Ernie Banks*, Nellie Fox).
MVPs not in the Hall: 6 (Jim Konstanty, Hank Sauer, Bobby Shantz, Al Rosen, Don Newcombe, Jackie Jensen).
Comment: In the plus column, you could argue that Rizzuto's MVP award in 1950 helped him finally get into the Hall. Well, it wasn't so much the actual award -- it was the fact the the Scooter had one amazing season. He was so borderline anyway -- if he doesn't have the 1950 season, there's no way he's in the Hall of Fame. Of course you could say that about a lot of players. ... Campy's three MVP awards probably had a lot to do with his Hall of Fame selection as well since he had such a short career, with the Negro Leagues on one side and tragedy on the other. ... There are a lot of could-have-beens among the non-Hall of Famers. One of the more interesting ones is Newcombe, who certainly looked like a Hall of Famer at age 30. That was his MVP year -- he went 27-7 (third time he won 20). He was an outstanding hitter (in 1955, he hit .359 with seven homers). But his MVP year was his last great year -- it was pretty much his last good year. So you look back at his career -- he lost part of his youth in the Negro Leagues, he lost two and a half seasons in Korea and he was basically done at 30. The fates worked against him, that's for sure.

1960s
MVPs in the Hall: 9 (Sandy Koufax, Brooks Robinson, Roberto Clemente, Frank Robinson*, Orlando Cepeda, Carl Yastrzemski, Bob Gibson, Willie McCovey, Harmon Killebrew -- does not include Mantle and Mays).
MVPs not in the Hall: 7 (Dick Groat, Roger Maris*, Maury Wills, Elston Howard, Ken Boyer, Zoilo Versalles, Denny McLain).
Comment: Cepeda's MVP award may have helped him get into the Hall. It seems like an MVP award can help push up a borderline case. Though it has not helped Ken Boyer. ... What would have happened had Ron Santo won the MVP in 1967 instead of Cepeda? It wasn't close -- Cepeda received all 20 first place votes. But Santo finished fourth, his highest finished in the voting. Would Santo be in the Hall if their roles had been reveserd? ... Maris is the first two-time MVP not voted into the Hall of Fame.

1970s
MVPs in the Hall: 5 (Johnny Bench*, Reggie Jackson, Joe Morgan*, Rod Carew, Willie Stargell).
MVPS not in the Hall: 13 (Joe Torre, Vida Blue, Dick Allen, Pete Rose, Steve Garvey, Jeff Burroughs, Fred Lynn, Thurman Munson, George Foster, Dave Parker, Jim Rice, Keith Hernandez, Don Baylor).
Comment: Are 1970s era players underrepresented in the Hall of Fame? Maybe that's worth a study, I don't know. I remember many of these MVPs were called "future Hall of Famers" in newspaper articles, on television and in the song "Talkin' Baseball." I know everybody thought Garvey, Parker and Rice were sure things, Lynn too. ... The amazing thing to me about Vida Blue is not how thoroughly he screwed up a Hall of Fame career (though he obviously did). It's how close he came to being a Hall of Fame EVEN AFTER he screwed everything up. He has three Hall of Famers among his Baseball Reference comps (Catfish, Newhouser, Drysdale). He won 207 games and struck out almost 2,200 batters even though he'd done most of his good work by the time he was 26. ... Is Keith Hernandez a legit Hall of Fame candidate? My buddy Mike Vaccaro says yes -- an MVP, 2,200 hits and one of the best defensive first basemen ever. I don't see it.

1980s
MVPs in the Hall of Fame: 5 (George Brett, Rollie Fingers, Mike Schmidt**, Robin Yount, Cal Ripken).
MVPs not in the Hall of Fame: 9 (Dale Murphy*, Willie McGee, Don Mattingly, Willie Hernandez, Andre Dawson, George Bell, Kirk Gibson, Jose Canseco, Kevin Mitchell).
Comment: The Don Mattingly for the Hall people are working hard, I can tell you that. ... I think Dawson will gain momentum over time. ... Dale Murphy, it seems, will come up short; he joins Roger Maris as a two-time MVP who will not make the Hall of Fame.

Dale Murphy: .265, 398, 1266 -- 121 OPS+ ... five time Gold Glove winner ... Seven-time All-Star ... Roberto Clemente Award winner ... Lou Gehrig Memorial Award winner ... One of baseball's all-time good guys ... Current steroid crusader.

Roger Maris: .260, 275, 851 -- 127 OPS+ ... Won a Gold Glove in 1960 ... Four-time All-Star ... Broke Babe Ruth's single-season home run record and lost hair in the process ... Hit .358 in the 1967 World Series ... Quiet and humble man ... Did not intentionally walk even one time in his 61 homer season (Mantle was hitting behind him).

I think Rollie Fingers MVP award probably helped his Hall of Fame case considerably. None of his comps are in the Hall of Fame -- including Goose Gossage, who was (I think) a better pitcher. Fingers also had the good fortune of being the first big-time saves reliever into the clubhouse.

1990s
MVPs in the Hall of Fame: 1 (Dennis Eckersley -- Cal Ripken was listed in the 1980s)
MVPs not in the Hall of Fame: 2 (Terry Pendleton, Ken Caminiti).
Comments: It's too early for most of these guys, but I think it's OK now to project that Barry Bonds, Rickey Henderson, Pudge Rodriguez, Frank Thomas and Ken Griffey will go into the Hall of Fame. I think Jeff Bagwell and Barry Larkin will go as well. I don't know how people will respond to Sammy Sosa or Larry Walker, for different reasons. Mo Vaughn and Juan Gonzalez are on the outside looking in. And Chipper Jones might still have a little work left to do. ... Dennis Eckersley is a fascinating Hall of Fame case to me. He went into the Hall of Fame instantly, that first year, even though he was certainly not anything close to a Hall of Fame starter, and he was only a great closer for about six years. I'm not saying Eckersley shouldn't be in the Hall -- I don't know that. I'm just surprised he got there so easily.

So overall: I've got 57 MVPs who are in the Hall of Fame and 52 who are not. But I would also have to say that only in rare cases did those MVP awards actually have any effect in the voters' thinking.

Leftover item 3: Papi vs. Morneau

A lot of people were pretty outraged that Justin Morneau won the MVP award over Derek Jeter. Most of us attributed that vote to RBIs -- Morneau had 130 of them, Jeter had 97, and while there were other factors (Morneau supposedly carried the Twins when they needed him most), I think that was probably decisive.

But, as I mentioned in my previous entry, David Ortiz had more RBIs than Morneau. In fact, David Ortiz's offensive numbers were far, far superior to Morneau's in every single way except batting average. Morneau hit .321 to Papi's .287. And, sadly, people still look first at batting average. It's ingrained in us.

Look: Papi hit 20 more homers than Morneau. He scored 18 more runs. He had seven more RBIs. His on-base percentage was almost 40 points higher, and his slugging percentage was SEVENTY FIVE points higher. His OPS+ was 164 (to Morneau's 140). This wasn't close.

Papi did not get a single first place MVP vote. Only two voters put Ortiz ahead of Morneau on their ballots. So why? I've put in my theory that it was entirely because the Twins won and the Red Sox didn't. Since then, though, I have received emails from people who have different theories. Some say it's because Ortiz was a DH -- I have trouble buying that. I mean, sure, that was a factor but nobody thinks Morneau is a particularly good defensive first baseman. I can't imagine too many people thinking that Ortiz's huge offensive advantage was made up by Morneau's slick fielding at first base.

I've also heard it was because Papi got hurt at the end of the season. Again, I don't think that was a huge factor. His numbers were vastly superior to Morneau's anyway. I think you could say Travis Hafner's MVP case was hurt because of injuries (he had a higher on-base percentage and slugging percentage than either one). But even if Papi had played the last two weeks, I don't think he could have made his case much clearer.

I come back to the simple belief: The MVP will usually be the best slugger (a.k.a. high RBI man) on a contending team.

There's no "I" in RBI! (Wait, yes there is)

The RBI has been a plucky little statistic through the years. According to Alan Schwarz's excellent book The Numbers Game it began, like so many great things, in Buffalo (I wish I could have a beef on weck right now). The Buffalo paper started to run a column of statistics called "runs batted in," all the way back in 1879. The Chicago Tribune picked up the stat the next year. Readers were immediately offended because you can't put anything by Chicago readers -- even in 1880 they understood that Ozzie Guillen is a bit loopy and that RBIs are context statistics. Leadoff men don't have nearly as many RBI chances as cleanup hitters. You can't drive a teammate in if there are no teammates on base. And so on.

It's amazing (and amusing) that baseball fans in 1880 -- when pitchers threw the ball underhanded and the mound was 45 feet from home plate and foul balls caught after one bounce were outs -- may have had a fuller concept of RBIs than some recent general managers and managers.

ANYWAY, the Tribune stopped running RBIs almost immediately. Henry Chadwick, the man who essentially invented baseball statistics, picked up the RBI again about 10 years later. He called hits and runs "useless and deceiving" and tried to shove the RBI down people's throats. Nobody wanted it -- it died a horrible death that same year (as did Joshua Norton, the only emperor in American history!)

In 1907, the New York Press baseball editor, Ernie Lanigan started publishing RBI totals. He was apparently an RBI zealot -- so much so that his ghost actually voted for Justin Morneau in last year's MVP balloting. Lanigan's RBI missionary work eventually led both leagues to adopt it as an official statistic in 1920 -- just as the game was coming out of the Deadball era (the first seven years, it was called "Runs Responsible For," and I think we should go back to that. It's a touching name. It's like the player doesn't just knock in the run, he will also take care of it until it is old enough to take care of itself. "Remember Jim, you are RESPONSIBLE for that run.").

The RBI became a wildly successful statistic in large part, I believe, because there's a nice round number to shoot for: Everybody can appreciate that 100 RBIs makes for a good season. It is absolutely stunning how important round numbers are to baseball -- there's a whole blog item in this. Maybe even a book.

Look: A good batting average is .300 ... you want to drive in 100 RBIs ... 300 wins gets you into the Hall of Fame ... 3000 hits gets you into the Hall of Fame (unless you gamble on baseball) ... 500 homers gets you into the Hall of Fame (unless you have a very bad appearance before Congress) ... 20 wins makes for a good season. ... In recent years, more statistically savvy fans can respect that a .400 on-base percentage is good and 30 Win Shares is great.

My favorite example of the round-number frenzy in the game -- and I may have mentioned this before -- is pitch count. A few years ago, people all around baseball decided all at once that it was very important to keep tabs of how many pitches their starter threw. Until then, pitchers could throw several hundred pitches in a game -- nobody cared. According to a pretty famous story, Sandy Koufax once threw like 987 pitches in a SPRING TRAINING game.

Anyway, one day general managers and managers and everyone else in the game decided high pitch counts were bad. They decided to keep the pitch number manageable to prevent injuries, to prevent arm fatigue, to protect their huge investments and, mostly, to save their jobs. You couldn't blame them. Protecting pitchers is literally a multi-billion dollar industry.

And so after thousands of hours of study, after having the brightest people in the game break down video, after intense interviewing of the pitchers themselves, after a thorough audit of the statistics, after consulting with doctors and trainers and physiologists and George Will and anyone else who might have a thought on the subject, they calculated the optimum number of pitches a pitcher should throw in a game.

And they came up this number: 100.

ANYWAY, back to RBIs, it's well established that MVP voters care way too much about it. The MVP award, especially in the American League, usually goes to the MVRG -- Most Valuable RBI Guy. I broke this down once and found that 40 of the last 75 MVP awards in the AL went to the player who:

1. Had the most RBIs.
and
2. Played on a contending team (admittedly this is a tricky determination -- it's all perception).

So last year, the RBI leader was Big Papi. But everybody pretty much determined in August that the Red Sox were not real contenders. So Ortiz was out. Next in line in RBIs was Justin Morneau. He played on the division-winning Minnesota Twins. He was the clear MVRG. And he won the MVP.

The MVRG formula has its flaws -- many years there is no clear cut MVRG and also voters will not give Manny Ramirez an MVP award no matter how many RBIs he manages -- but the fact that you can nail the MVP more than 50 percent of the time based entirely on one statistic tells you how important RBIs are to people determining how "valuable" players are these days.

But this is where it gets intersting (at least to baseball history goofballs like me): Yes, RBIs are very important for determining current players. They are significantly less important when judging PAST players.

For instance, let me ask you this trivia question: What do you think is more important for the Hall of Fame, scoring runs or RBIs? You probably guessed "RBIs" because why else would I ask you this question in an RBI blog? That's the problem with asking anybody a question these days -- everybody is too suspicious and jaded to answer any question honestly. If you ask anyone a question like "Guess how much I weigh?" or "Guess how much I paid for this car?" they will ALWAYS guess too low on the weight and the price of the car. Always. And then when you tell them the real weight/price, they will say, "Oh, that's good too."

Just once I'd like to go up to someone and say: Got an amazing trivia question for you. Who do you think made more money last year, Tiger Woods or Carrot Top? And when they inevitably say "Carrot Top" I can say, "No, Tiger Woods ... what are you, some kind of moron? It wasn't even close. Tiger Woods made like 300 million dollars. Carrot Top made like 29 bucks all year. How could you guess Carrot Top?"

ANYWAY, I'm losing the point. I would have suspected that RBIs were a much more telling Hall of Fame statistic than runs. Who cares about runs? But take a look:

Leading run scorers NOT in the Hall of Fame (eligible players since 1900)
-- Dwight Evans (66th)
-- Lou Whitaker (84th)

Leading RBI producers NOT in the Hall of Fame (eligible players since 1900)
-- Harold Baines (23rd)
-- Andre Dawson (31st)
-- Dave Parker (47th)
-- Rusty Staub (49th)
-- Jim Rice (52nd)
-- Joe Carter (53rd)
-- Mark McGwire (60th)
-- Jose Canseco (61st)
-- Ted Simmons (65th)
-- Dwight Evans (66th)
-- Chili Davis (70th)
-- Darrell Evans (74th)
-- Gary Gaetti (75th)
-- Ron Santo (79th)
-- Al Oliver (81st)
-- Graig Nettles (84th)

Well, that amazes me anyway. To be fair, there are several pre-1900 guys on the runs scored list who are not in the Hall of Fame -- led by Jimmy Ryan -- which probably skews the study. Also Pete Rose is 6th in runs (and tied for 84th in RBIs).

But it's still amazing to me. Seventeen of the Top RBI men ever are not in the Hall of Fame, and among them you would have to say that right now only Rice even seems likely to get in (there still could be a momentum shift for Dawson, I think).

I'm not the only one who has noticed it. Bill James points out: "A player whose chief credential for the Hall of Fame is his ability as an RBI man is much LESS likely to be taken seriously than a player of comparable ability who is a high-average hitter, a gold glove fielder or a pitcher. That has always interested me"

Why? I suspect this is, in part, because of those magic numbers again. Every eligible player with 3,000 or more hits is in the Hall of Fame -- and they all went in easily. As mentioned every eligible player with 500 homers (except Mark McGwire) is in the Hall of Fame -- though it took Killebrew four years because of his low batting average. Every eligible pitcher with 300 wins is in the Hall of Fame -- even relatively controversial choices like Don Sutton and Phil Niekro (I don't think they should have been controversial choices myself, but they were).

As for Gold Glove fielders, that's the one area where voters seem to go off reputation: Luis Aparcio, Ozzie Smith, Bill Mazeroski, Phil Rizutto and quite a few others are in the Hall of Fame in large part because the voters saw them make a lot of nice players.

But there is no magic number for career RBIs. If I gave you career RBI numbers -- say 1,628, 1537, 1,430 and 1,305 -- would they mean anything to you? Probably not (they are, in order, the career RBI totals for Baines, Joe DiMaggio, Yogi Berra and Roberto Clemente). I would suggest RBIs are important to people when it comes to judging SEASONS because 100 is such an obvious benchmark -- if someone has 163 RBIs in a season you know that's an awful lot. But there is no such benchmark for career RBIs. Nobody really cares if you got 1,500 RBIs in your career.

And also, I think RBIs tend to fade in memory. A great defensive play will lodge in your imagination -- I can still think of a dozen amazing plays Ozzie Smith made or Andruw Jones. Anyone can still visualize Roberto Clemente making the throw from right field or Mike Schmidt charging a bunt. A home run hit by Reggie or Barry or Killer or McGwire will stick in your memory too -- you can probably come up with the five longest home runs you've seen in your life.

But how many Rusty Staub clutch singles with a man on second do you remember? The day he hit them, they were HUGE. And when you look back over a season, they're still pretty big. But when you look back over a career, I think, they fade away.

I'm not saying RBIs SHOULD be a bigger factor when choosing Hall of Famers. But it does surprise me that RBI men are so beloved and celebrated while they're playing, and then -- often enough -- forgotten when there are no longer men on second to drive in.

The Worst Hall of Famers

A couple of days ago, brilliant blog reader Paul White sent an email essentially wondering why someone (someone!) doesn't take up the Hall of Fame case of former Royals owner Ewing Kauffman. Now, I must admit that my first reaction -- and probably yours -- was, "You're kidding, right? Ewing Kauffman?"

Look: I have overwhelming respect for Ewing Kauffman as both a man and a baseball owner. He was a self-made billionaire. He brought the Royals to Kansas City even though, at first, he had no particular love for baseball. He hired a brilliant general manager (Cedric Tallis) and in a very short time the Royals were contenders. After a couple more years, they were, quite possibly, the model franchise in baseball. Kauffman was an innovator -- he was the force behind the baseball academy and the money behind the fountains that flow at Kauffman Stadium -- and a winner. Still, my gut reaction was negative; I guess I thought that to get to the Hall of Fame as a baseball owner, you need to do a lot more.

If you look at it closer, though, you will find something surprising: To get to the Hall of Fame as an owner, you actually need to do a whole lot less.

THERE IS ALWAYS talk about the worst baseball Hall of Famers. My personal choice has always been Candy Cummings, who is in the Hall of Fame for inventing the curveball even though it's pretty likely that he did not invent the curveball. To me, this hurts his Hall of Fame case ... though it should be said that the Hall of Fame itself is in Cooperstown, where baseball was not invented, and it is right next to a field named after Abner Doubleday, who most definitely did not invent baseball.

Of course, our country is named after Amerigo Vespucci, who almost certainly never stepped foot here.

Anyway, Cummings is a bad Hall of Famer. I have not heard a particularly compelling explanation for Jesse Haines being in the Hall; he went 210-158 with a 3.64 ERA. There are at least 50 starting pitchers who are not in the Hall and will never be in the Hall who can look at Haines and go, "No way ... that guy?" You know the Hall of Fame is not especially sold on Haines' resume either considering the first word on his Hall of Fame plaque is "Durable." Sorry, "Durable" is not a Hall of Fame word. It's an advertising word for underwear.

Burleigh Grimes? Not a good choice. Catfish Hunter? He probably would not be in the Hall if Charlie Finley had called him Jim. Herb Pennock? Eppa Rixey? Rube Marquard is an especially bad choice -- he had three good seasons in his career and had a 103 ERA+. Red Ruffing is not a particularly inspired choice either. There are more not-so-great pitchers.

And there are some not-so-great hitters too. The catcher Rick Ferrell is in the Hall of Fame. Do you know who the No. 1 Baseball Reference comp for Rick Ferrell is? Jim Gantner. Yeah. So you say, well wait a minute Ferrell was a brilliant defense catcher, you can't compare him to Gantner. OK, you know who his No. 1 catcher comp is? Tony Pena. My man Tony was a brilliant defensive catcher too. Anybody for putting Tony into the Hall? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Apparently Ferrell was good at "handling the knuckleball." So there you go.

Tinker? Evers? Chance? All three better be happy there was a poem written about them. Tinker's top 20th century comp is Ozzie Guillen; Evers has Mark McLemore on his list; the most recent comp to Chance is Darryl Hamilton. See, poets can have a huge impact on the world.

In fact, maybe I can help a couple of former Royals Hall of Fame cases with a poem.

There are saddest of possible phrases
Patek to Rojas to Mayberry
A powder blue trio that always amazes
Patek to Rojas to Mayberry
The first a pint shortstop whose glove never fumbles
The second's named Cookie, but he never crumbles
At last it's Big John, and the announcer's voice rumbles
Patek to Rojas to Mayberry

Joe Sewell is in the Hall of Fame, and even though that's somewhat questionable (his defensive reputation as a shortstop does not seem to be all that special), you do have to offer up this statistic: His last nine years as a player, the most he ever struck out in a season: 9 times. In 1929, he had 578 at-bats and he struck out FOUR times all season. So you know what? I'm OK with putting him in the Hall of Fame just for that.

Lloyd Waner? Inexplicable.

Also, there are several shortstops in the Hall of Fame who couldn't hit all that much but are there for their defense and overall ball-playing moxie -- Travis Jackson, Luis Aparicio, Phil Rizutto, Dave Bancroft, Bobby Wallace, Rabbit Maranville, Ozzie Smith, even Pee Wee Reese. This is a clear-cut pattern. If you believe Omar Vizquel was a truly brilliant defensive shortstop (not everyone does), then you would have to say he should go to the Hall too.

I like going through all these second-tier Hall of Famers because, for one thing, nobody seems to realize they're in the Hall of Fame. It's a good reminder that the Hall of Fame standard is not Ruth, Gehrig and Koufax. It's also Lindstrom, Willis and Chesbro.

But our topic today is owners in the Hall of Fame. Let's take a closer look, shall we?

FIRST OFF, there are fewer baseball owners in the Hall than you might think. There are quite a few Hall of Famers who owned Major League teams at least for a while (Connie Mack, Al Spalding, Morgan Bulkley, William Hulbert, Larry MacPhail was part owner of the Yankees) but ownership was not a major reason why they were elected into the Hall. I would say, in total, there are only five people in the Hall of Fame in large part BECAUSE they were owners.

1. Clark Griffith. He won more than 200 games as a pitcher and more than 1,500 games as a manager. His plaque does not include the word, "owner," but he was an owner of the Senators for 36 years, so we include him here.

2. Charlie Comiskey. Again, it was a varied baseball career -- long before he was sending flat champagne to his players, he was a good fielding first baseman (according to his plaque, he was the first to play off of first base) and a superior manager (his .608 winning percentage ranks third all time). He owned the Chicago White Sox for 31 years.

3. Branch Rickey. He would be in the Hall of Fame anyway for his many innovations -- most notably, the farm system. But I will include him here because he owned 25 percent of the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1945 when he signed Jackie Robinson. It was probably his stake in the club that allowed him to make the daring signing.

4. Bill Veeck. He's the first of the group who is in the Hall entirely for what he did as an owner. What did he do? Well, he was the first to put names on uniforms (this is actually on his Hall of Fame plaque), he signed Larry Doby, and he sent a midget to the plate. "A champion of the little guy," it says on his plaque.

5. Tom Yawkey. He had his Red Sox team travel by plane in 1936. Also, he, um, had his team travel play by plane -- nobody else was doing that in 1936, I don't think. Also, he did sign a black player, you know, eventually. And his team almost won a couple of times. Second-worst Hall of Famer, I think. We'll get to the worst in a moment.

That's it. Those are the five Major League owners in the Hall of Fame. You could argue pretty convincingly that two or three would be in there even if they had never owned a team. But I want to go with five because I'm about to tell you something that might blow your mind. It blew my mind.

There are also five NEGRO LEAGUES owners in the Hall of Fame.

1. Rube Foster. He was a great pitcher, and he founded the Negro Leagues, so he would be in the Hall of Fame anyway. But he formed and owned the Chicago American Giants. He's actually a fascinating story, but we've got to move on.

2. Cumberland Posey. He was a player and manager too, but mostly he was the George Steinbrenner of his day -- 10 Hall of Famers played for his Homestead Grays through the years, including the best of the best: Satchel Paige, Josh Gibson, Cool Papa Bell, etc.

3. J.L. Wilkinson. He owned the Kansas City Monarchs for many years and was, by all accounts, a remarkable man. Another fascinating story that we don't have time for now, but suffice it to say that he was had his team play night baseball years before the Major Leagues, he signed a football player and track star named Jackie Robinson, and he rescued Satchel Paige's career.

4. Alex Pompez. He was pretty undistinguished as an owner, unless you want to distinguish him for his racketeering indictment. Really made his mark in later years as a breakthrough scout in Latin America.

5. Effa Manley. Wife of owner of the Newark Eagles. Her plaque says she was on the cutting edge of civil rights, and maybe she was -- she apparently organized a boycott of stores that refused to hire black sales clerks. From a baseball standpoint, however, her teams were usually no good, her contributions to the game are suspect at best, and she was rumored to have slept with her players. She's the single worst choice in the Hall of Fame, barely edging out Yawkey.

That's five. This is absolutely remarkable to me. Hey, I think it's on record that I LOVE the Negro Leagues. But how can there be as many Negro Leagues owners in the Hall of Fame as Major League owners? The Major Leagues have been going on for about 90 more years than the Negro Leagues. And I'm not sure that anyone saw the Negro Leagues as a model of business efficiency -- checks often bounced, players jumped, and the World Series was sporadic at best.

LOOK, MAYBE OWNERS don't belong in the Hall of Fame at all -- I'm fine with that. But there are owners in the Hall of Fame now, and they are (for the most part) miserable choices. if How can you put in Tom Yawkey, Bill Veeck and Effa Manley and leave out Jacob Ruppert, Walter O'Malley and Gus Greenlee? Let's take a look at just a few owners who are not in the Hall of Fame.

-- Walter O'Malley is not in the Hall of Fame. How can this be? You don't have to like Walter O'Malley (and if you are from Brooklyn, you probably don't) but his teams won, they drew huge crowds, he expanded baseball to California -- that might have had a larger impact on the game than exploding scoreboards. He had Dodgers Stadium built. His teams drew larger crowds than any baseball team ever. Then his son Peter O'Malley won an awful lot of games and drew an awful lot of people as well.

-- Col. Jacob Ruppert. Having Tom Yawkey in the Hall of Fame and not Jacob Ruppert is like, what ... putting in Neifi Perez and leaving out Cal Ripken? Ruppert built the New York Yankees. He (along with Col. Tillinghast L'Hommedieu Huston) bought Babe Ruth. He hired business executive Ed Barrow (in the Hall). He hired manager Miller Huggins (in the Hall of Fame). He was the owner of what is often regarded as the greatest team in baseball history, the 1927 Yankees. You know, I'm all for getting Bert Blyleven in the Hall, Goose Gossage, Ron Santo, a bunch of others. But Colonel Ruppert might need to be at the head of the line.

-- Phillip Wrigley. He owned the Cubs for almost 30 years. He was a television visionary. And he started the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League.

-- Roy Hofheinz. Astros owner, he built the first baseball dome. He was the driving force behind Astroturf. He was one of the first -- maybe the first -- to think of the luxury box. Come to think of it, none of these are great things. But he definitively changed the game.

-- Sam Breadon. Owned the Cardinals through their glory years and put Branch Rickey in the front office.

-- Jerold Hoffberger. He's a personal favorite of mine simply because nobody seems to remember him. He brought the Orioles to Baltimore -- he clinched that deal by having his brewery sponsor the Washington Senators (who were trying to block the move). Then he hired Frank Cashen and Earl Weaver and ran what was perhaps the best franchise in baseball for almost 20 years. He was also, by all accounts a sweet man and a major philanthropist (although Marvin Miller apparently thought he was a union buster).

-- Barney Dreyfuss. Owned the Pirates for 30 years and is credited for creating the World Series. I'll repeat that. He's credited for creating the World Series.

Hall of Fame checklist
-- Guy who sent midget to the plate and had disco demolition night? Check.
-- Last guy to sign a black player? Check.
-- Guy whose legendary cheapness helped bring on the Black Sox? Check.
-- Guy who created the World Series? (Buzzer sounds). Nope. Next.

-- Powell Crosley. Saved the Cincinnati Reds from extinction or, worse, moving to New York.

-- Gus Greenlee. He was a numbers man, but several owners in the Negro Leagues had some sort of illegal activity going ... there weren't that many ways for African Americans to get ahead in the 1920s and 1930s. Anyway, if you're going to put Negro Leagues owners in, Greenlee was probably the most powerful of them all. He signed all the big stars, built his own stadium and created some of the best teams of the 1930s.

I'm sure there are others (including Ewing Kauffman) who deserve mention here. But I guess the surprising thing to me is that it sure seems like owners have largely been IGNORED by the Hall of Fame, when all this time I always thought they were over-represented. It looks like one of the toughest ways to get into the Hall of Fame is by buying a baseball team.

One last owner thought: Will George Steinbrenner go to the Hall of Fame? You would have to say he's one of the most -- perhaps THE most -- influential owner in baseball history, maybe even in American sports history. He took the Yankees from a low point to one of the two or three most famous/dominant/beloved/despised sports teams in the world, right? Trouble is, he was also suspended from baseball twice. It's a checkered legacy. Does he go? I say yes.

Baseball: A Glossary

OK, we're updating the Baseball Glossary with some of your suggestions. I can't think of a good way to credit all of you for ideas, so this will sort of be a community Wikipedia thing (as Mike from The Office says: "Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.")

Daniel, one of the brilliant readers of this blog (you are all brilliant readers, except those of you who haven't bought the book), passed along a fun little baseball maxim from his friend Rob: "A 'five-tool player' means means he can't hit."

This reminded me that for quite a while I've been meaning to update the "How to be a baseball writer" column that I wrote for the Star a few years ago. That column was specifically about baseball writing, but what I have in mind now is more of a glossary of baseball terms for baseball writers, announcers, fans, and Chris Berman.

Keep sending those suggestions:

Average fielder: Candidate to get hit in the head with a fly ball.

Bad Baseball Body: Fat.

Below average fielder: Player who has been hit in the head with a fly ball.

Blooper: 1. A softly hit ball that lands over the head of an infielder and in front of the outfider -- it's somewhere between a looper and a flare.
2. An unfunny mistake made by a player that will later be shown on the video board while goofy music is played. Bloopers were funny once, but that time ended in 1987.

Bulldog: A tough pitcher who managers (and opposing hitters) love because they will challenge hitters and give you "their all." A "Bulldog" cannot throw 90 mph. For a few years, the Royals had a classic Bulldog named Kris Wilson ... everybody loved Kris. He was tough as nails -- former football player -- and you always wanted to believe he would find a way to get people out. He hasn't so far (career record: 14-9, 5.44 ERA). See also: "Gamer" and "A Guy You Want To Go to Battle With."

Clubhouse presence: Old player who can't play anymore.

Crafty: Adjective meaning "slow-throwing pitcher." Sentence example: "Crafty left-hander Jamie Moyer is baffling Royals hitters again." Caveat: Crafty can only be used for left-handed pitchers. See "Wily."

Defensive specialist: Player who can't hit a lick.

Dribbler: Lucky hit that stops in the infield grass.

Fireplug: Fat.

Flare: Lucky hit that bloops over an infielder's head. See: Dribbler; Looper; Blooper.

Free swinger: Scout's term. Means "Easy out."

Gamble: Verb. 1. The act of doing something really stupid like diving for a ball you have absolutely no chance of catching or trying to steal third with two outs. Almost never works.
2. Baseball's high crime. It has cost Pete Rose a shot at the Hall of Fame even though he has more hits than anyone in baseball history.

Guy You Want To Go To Battle With: A player who tries very hard but, generally speaking, can't play. Usually a manager's favorite. See also: Bulldog; Gamer.

Gamer: Position player equivalent of "Bulldog" -- tough, hard-nosed player who has a baseball beating in his chest instead of a heart. Every team needs a Gamer. But only one. Any team with three "Gamers" is destined for last place. Gamers almost always have low batting averages.

Good cut: A foul ball that goes straight backward. Similar phrases include: Good hack; Good swing; Big hack; Right on that; Just missed; Strike.

Green light: The freedom to swing at a 3-0 pitch; basically given to everyone who hits above .222 these days.

Hustler: Means, "Has no talent." See: Talented player.

Looper: Lucky hit that lands in front of an outfielder. A looper is usually hit a touch harder than a flare. See: Flare.

Journeyman: A player who has played for at least five teams. A journeyman used to be a guy who played for three teams, but free agency has changed the game in many ways. A "veteran journeyman" has played for at least seven teams.

Knows how to pitch: Scout and sportswriter term refers to pitcher who can't throw 90.

Portly: Fat.

Professional hitter: Harold Baines. That's it. Rob Neyer hit on this a while ago, I'll expand.

To be a professional hitter, you have to:
1. Have absolutely no defensive skill whatsover.
2. Hit 15-20 homers every year.
3. Play until your ancient.
4. Hit exactly .289 for your lengthy career.

Right now this means Harold Baines alone. Others who fell just short include Jeff Kent (middle infielders cannot be professional hitters), Wally Joyner (not enough pop and retired before he was 40), Wally Moon (was on his way but retired at 35 -- had not earned his professional hitter card yet), Bill Buckner (um, he's close. Maybe he didn't have enough power. Or maybe we need to include him), Jeff Conine (his average is down to .286 -- he needs to pick it up).

We do want to take a moment here to honor Gregg Jefferies, who was on his way to legendary professional hitter status when he retired young at 32 -- he's sort of the Tony Conigliaro of professional hitters. Hal Richman, the man who invented Strat-o-Matic, once told a great story about Jefferies -- you know in Strat-O, they rank fielders range 1-5, with a 1 being a Gold-Glove-calliber, get-to-everything fielder and a 4 being "a human couch." A 5, therefore, is a defensive ranking below human couch. Anyway, one day Jefferies went to left field and a few started shouting: "You're a 5! You're a 5!" It's one of the great, obscure rips in baseball history.

Quality at-bat: A minimum 10-pitch strikeout or slow roller to second base with a man on second.

Scatter: A verb used to describe what pitchers do when they give up a lot of hits but not so many runs. Fictional example: Mark Redman scattered 11 hits as the Royals beat the Yankees 7-2. It's a VERY fictional example.

The question is: What makes an official scattering? I've discussed this with Royals announcers Ryan Lefebvre and this year's Ford Frick Award winner Denny Matthews, and we came up with this rule: To officially "scatter" hits, a pitcher must go at least seven innings, must give up more hits than innings pitched, and must allow three runs or less.

Sinker-slider pitcher: Scout's term meaning, "Can't throw 90 mph." See: Knows how to pitch.

Sports talk radio: Media outlet featuring men (and an occasional woman) who often second guess managers and complain about salaries. Brilliant reader Bob Pederson offers this formula: The value of any given sports talk radio program is inversely proportional to the amount of time rock music is played in the intro and the likelihood that the host(s) is known by a nickname.

Stocky: Fat.

Stretch: Verb. 1. A base-running error where a player tries to turn a single into a double but almost inevitably fails and costs his team dearly.
2. A first baseman's act of reaching out as far as possible to catch a throw -- a dying sports art like the coffin-corner punt and mid-range jump shots.

Tailor-Made Double Play: Overused term to describe an easy double-play grounder. So I would like to set up some ground rules:
Rule 1: A TMDP has to be hit to a middle infielder -- it cannot be hit to third, first base or the pitcher.
Rule 2: Any routine ground ball hit directly at the second baseman at appropriate speed is a TMDP.
Rule 3: For a grounder hit to shortstop to be an official TMDP, it must be hit close enough to the bag where he can STEP ON THE BAG HIMSELF and then throw to first. If he has to flip it to the second baseman, it is no longer Tailor Made.

Talent: Noun. Means "Good player who doesn't hustle." See: Hustler.

Toolsy: Scout's term. Means can't hit.

Utility infielder: A player who cannot hit well enough to be in a Major League lineup and cannot field well enough to be in a Major League infield.

Veteran: A player who has been around for a few years. Comes in three varieties:
-- Seasoned veteran: Player who may be washed up.
-- Respected veteran: Player who is washed up.
-- Grizzled veteran: Player who should have retired two years ago.

Veteran leadership: A quality that baseball managers always want from their players so they don't have to do the work themselves.

Veteran presence: Being old and being there.

Wily: Adjective meaning "slow-throwing pitcher." A right-handed compliment to the word "crafty," though either a righty or lefty can be wily.